My Emotional Girl

This story is a few weeks old, but, since it's one I definitely want to remember. 
One night I was sitting at the dinner table with Naiya and Eva.  We were talking about our day and such.  Out of the blue Naiya turned to me and said, "Mommy, I love you like a princess." 
Then, without missing a beat, Eva looked at me straight faced and added, "I have the same emotion as Naiya." 
Man, I love these girls. 

Not really from Daddy....

Naiya and I have been having one of those days.  We just can't seem to be on the same wave length.  She can certainly be very stubborn, and unfortunately for her, so can I.  Just before 7:00 I had had enough.  I picked her up, changed her into her pajamas and put her in bed. No stories.  No snuggles.  No music.   Then I walked out of the room and closed the door. I took her prized horse with me.  I knew she would be mad, not just about the horse, but because she HATES going to bed with the door closed.  She cried for a minute.  So did I.  She stopped and got quiet.  After another minute or two, I went in to check on her.  She started to say something angry and sassy ("I don't care if you take my horse, I can just draw a picture of it...") and then she stopped. 
"I'm sorry mom."  she said. 
"Me too."  I said. 
"Do you wish Dad was here?"
"Yup.  Do you?"
"Yup."
"Can I please come out?  I have one more job to do."
"Okay, but it's really bed time soon, so make it a small job."
"It's not too big." 

Then she got a piece of paper and a pencil and started writing. 
"How do you spell Lucie?"
"L-U-C-I-E"
"How do you spell heard?"
This went on for some time. I put the gist of the note together before she finished it, but it went a little something like this.
"Lucie,  
I love you. 
I heard about your troubles with Naiya. 
I'm sorry.
From, Daddy.
Not really from Daddy. 
From Naiya.
I love you even when you are mad."

Have I told you lately that I love Naiya?   I do.  She's awesome, and I love her.... even when we're having one of those days... especially when we're having one of those days.

The Sun on a Rainy Day!

Called for the test results this morning.  The phone nurse said that everything was "within normal ranges" except her red blood count was "a little low."  This is probably from the frequency and severity of the recent nose bleeds.  I'll call Monday to get info about visiting specialists now and go from there.  Thinking we may have the nose cauterized and be done with it.  Although...today is the 4th day without a nose bleed (after 8  days in a row with one or more 15-20 minute bleeds).  Guess the blood draw freaked her out enough that her body decided no more?! Maybe my little monkey just needed a little extra special attention.  Let's hope so. :)

What are you trying to tell me?

After yesterday, I was hoping things would start looking up.  No such luck. 
Naiya's pediatrician called me today to say that he felt that it would be a good idea to get her blood tested for certain blood disorders because of the frequency and severity of her bloody noses before we even worry about following up on the other stuff.   Fair enough. 
After school today we went to Primary's outpatient lab to get have her blood drawn. Besides having a huge wait between getting registered and actually getting in to do the blood draw, things were okay... at first. 
We get in and Naiya is a little freaked out.  I explain that the more still she can be the less it hurts.  She has "difficult" veins (like her momma) but they find one, and we're off.  She squeals a little, but all in all she is very brave. It's over.  Excellent.  The phlebotomist is labeling the vials of blood with Naiya's info.  Suddenly...
"I don't feel good."
"I know sweetie, you need to breath."
"I'm going to throw up."
"Okay, let's get the garbage can."
And.... she's out.  Full on eyes rolling in the back of her head/fluttering and she goes limp.  At first I thought she was having a seizure or something, but she really just passed out. 
She s-l-o-w-l-y comes to and we put her down on the bed.  She looks awful.  Grey, shaky, exhausted.  She can barely open her eyes as they continue to flutter on and off.  Then, she really does puke.  Poor thing.  I asked if I could get some juice or something for her, but they said that she can't have anything to eat or drink until she is more alert and feeling better.  I asked again and said that it's been a while since she ate and I think her sugar is low.  Nope.  This goes on for 20 minutes.  Finally the actual nurse comes in. "When's the last time she ate?" he says. 
"Lunch." 
"Well, why don't you go and get her a juice or something... I think her sugar is low." 
Uh?  Ya think?!
Miracle of all miracles, the juice helped.  She got her color back and asked if she could have the ice cream that I had promised her earlier. 
Still, I think I'd be just fine living my entire life without witnessing either of my children go through that again.  I know that at Primary's they see a lot of terrible, horrible things.  I know that there are parents there who are witnessing things that nobody ever wants to see.  I don't know how they do it.  My heart aches for them.  This experiences the past couple of days have definitely been enough for me.
Is fate trying to tell me something?

Getting into the Halloween Spirit

The house has been decorated for weeks.  The costumes were picked out and purchased way back in September (at least for the girls).  I thought we were ready for Halloween.  Then Naiya chose to remind me that I haven't been sufficiently freaked out yet this season. 
Today, the last 30 or so minutes of school, Naiya got a bloody nose.  For the last bit of school on Wednesdays, my students go down to violin or guitar class.  Her timing was perfect for me to walk the rest of their students to their classes and then return to help her with her bloody nose.  She gets bloody noses frequently, but each time I think about making an appointment with her pediatrician about it, it seems to stop for weeks or months.  Then at some point it starts up again.  This latest wave has been bad. It has been daily for the last week or so, and each time it takes a good 15 or 20 minutes to stop it.  So I sighed as I grabbed the garbage can, a box of tissues and a chair to sit down next to Naiya.
I hear a gulp. 
"Mom, I'm swallowing it, it's yucky."  she says.
" I know sweetheart.   Try not to swallow it.  Spit it in the garbage if you need to."
*gulp*  "Mom, if I swallow too much, I might throw up."
"I know.  Please try to spit so that you don't."
Then she looks up at me.  She has blood in the corner of her eye.  It looks like the tear is washing it out a little.  She blinks.  Now there is a nice large bloody drop in the corner of her eye.
"Mom, I see blood in my eye."
"I know honey.  I see it too."
And then... it gushed.  Blood.  OUT OF THE CORNER OF HER EYE!
Awesome.

Long story short, we called doc and started to head up to Primary's but then it stopped.  Now we are waiting to get in a pediatric ENT in the next few weeks.  Apparently it happens.  It's rare.  It's weird, but it happens.
I would have taken a picture if I had a camera phone, although I'm sure you wouldn't want to see it.   It was right out of a horror movie... and right in the midst of it, I thought, "Who needs haunted houses?!"
Oh, and after her trick,  she gave me quite a treat later in the evening when she threw up all the extra blood she swallowed.  

Happy Halloween.

What Does That Say About Me?

The other day, Jared and I were on our way home from Neema and Pa's house.  Jared was driving.  We pulled off the freeway at our usual exit and waited at a red light.  As soon as the light turned green we drove under the overpass and were stopped at another red light. 
"I hate this light," Jared said. 
"Not me,"  I replied.  "I like it." 
"Huh?"
(in one neurotic breath) "Yeah, I like it.... It's the one before this I don't like because it has two lanes turning left and whenever there are two lanes turning left, I stress out that the car next to me is not going to go in the appropriate lane and will turn into me.  I always go to the right lane so that I can turn into the outer lane if the car next to me goes to the middle lane instead of the left one like they are supposed to.  If I get to this second light, that means that I made it.  If the light is red, it gives me a chance to stop and regroup.  I like this light." 

Jared said nothing, and I realized that maybe.... just maybe this was a little bit to detailed of a glimpse into my mind.  Some things are better kept to oneself.... or to one's blog. 

The Color of Your Cup

This morning I woke up feeling... blah.   Often during the second half of Sunday, I start realizing that I need to prepare for the week ahead.  I feel the twinge (mountain) of anxiety, and I don't really enjoy the afternoon.  I start thinking about the list of things that I should have gotten done and how little I actually did.  This weekend that feeling crept in early.  It's probably because it was a long weekend, so there was a lot longer list to be ignored. 
One of the many big things I wanted to accomplish this weekend was painting our front door.  Jared sanded it long ago in hopes that he or I would find time to paint/stain it soon.  Those of you who are frequent visitors to our home have probably noticed and may even be able to do the math as to how many months (years) ago this was.... I don't even want to go there. 
Anyway, the first thing on my mind this morning is that it's Sunday and I didn't paint the darn door... again.  I set right of complaining to Jared about it.  He was really good to listen.  I told him all about how sick I am of looking at that door and how it would "really change my life" to pull into the driveway and see a painted door each day.  I told him how mad I was that I hadn't taken the time to do it and that I had no idea what I had done this weekend instead.  I grumped and ranted like this for a while.  What a way to start the morning right?  
Later today we were sitting down to lunch.  The girls ran to their dish drawer in an effort to grab the ever coveted pink plastic cup.  This is a source of daily conflict in our house.  One person inevitably ends up sad.  At one point, I thought about getting another set of plastic IKEA cups/bowls/plates so that there would be 2 pinks, but I really wanted to teach the girls to take turns, and (more than anything) that the color of their cup didn't really matter.  Some days they'd be sweet, and one would give the cup to the other in an effort to bring her joy. Other days there were tears on both sides as the pink cup was placed upon a high shelf and the girls were told to pick something else.  On these days that often meant arguing over the colors that were left.   Many times it's been threatened that if the girls continued to fight over the color of their cup, the colored cups would be given away and they wouldn't have to worry about arguing anymore.
Today was the day.  They argued.  Dad tried to diffuse the situation to no avail.  Mom quietly took the colored cups, bowls, plates and cutlery.  She put them in a bag.  She added them to the "give away" pile.  The girls cried.  The girls pleaded.  The girls even threatened.  The dishes stayed in the pile. 
I sent the girls to their rooms for a few minutes.  When they quieted down, at least a little, I went in to talk to them.   I told them about the day that I was at IKEA with Babi and we saw those dishes.  I told them about how I had imagined how much joy it would bring them.  I told them how disappointed I was that those dishes had been a source of sadness for so long.  I told them that nothing, NOTHING, in this world was worth as much as the people that we love.  I told them that NOTHING was worth this kind of distress.  I told them that the color of the cup that they had would never matter as much as the people in their lives.  I told them that things would never be as important as people.  I stopped.  I teared up a little.   I remembered my grumpy rant this morning about the color of our front door.  I started thinking about the things that I did this weekend instead of painting the front door.  There was "have-to-do" stuff like doctors appointments and an oil change.  There were "want-to-do" stuff like play dates, bike rides, building a fort, read-a-thons,  hiking, the aquarium, a visit to Neema and Pa's...  There are still a few things on the "have-to-do" list that will need to be done before the day is done.  I realized that there is nothing, NOTHING, I would have rather done this weekend than spend it with the people I love.
The dishes are still in the "give away" pile.  The door is still unpainted.  Some day that will change, (really,  it needs to because the door is getting weathered),  but until that day, I won't let the color of my front door, or my cup, cause me any more distress. 

Good things I posted that link to the bike I want earlier today.... right?  I promise I won't be distressed if I don't win... but I still will be super excited if I do! :)