Chocolate-Covered Anxiety

It is no secret that I suffer from anxiety from time to time.  (Wait... maybe that was a secret.)  Well, I do.  It's primarily work-related and primarily self-inflicted.  I have pretty super-duper high standards for myself, and I work in a place that has high standards for it's employees (as they should).  90% of the time it is manageable and fine.   I have ways to cope with anxiety.  A bubble bath.  A cup of tea.  Boycotting housework and laundry in exchange for eating a 1/2 gallon of ice cream. (What?  It was "double churned."  That makes it more like 1/4 gallon... or so I tell myself.)   

Cutting back hours at work has been a big huge help.  More time to feel organized and on top of things = less anxiety.  And yet....   Sometimes that "busyness" I spoke of  creeps into the picture, and I slowly fall behind.  This month has been full of substituting, field trips, extra art lessons, planning parties, typing poetry for our school poetry anthology, preparing for our big Open House/Expo...  you get the picture.   Afternoons have quickly filled with stuff.   Each day, I have made time to prep for the following days lessons, but have fallen behind on the extras like paperwork/filing/and such. 

Last week, I feel like I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.  Art lessons are finished, Open House is over, Valentine's parties would soon be a thing of the past... I was excited for a reprieve.   

Then we had faculty meeting.  

The director announced that she would be doing surprise observations in each of our classrooms for a day.  She  would  be checking to see that we stay on schedule and on script. She would be checking our students' work and giving some students comprehension tests and spelling tests. 

Now, I know that this comes with the territory.  Teachers need evaluations.  We have them every year.  It is a part of teaching.  Usually it's an hour here 30 minutes there.   The thought of having the principal in my room for 4 straight hours is terrifying.  She is a brilliant educator, but to be perfectly honest you never know what you're gonna get.   Some days she can nit-pick down to the smallest detail (you didn't hand out papers as efficiently as you could have) and make you feel like you are 2 inches tall.  Other days the same thing gets no response.   She is not huge on praise... which is fine.  Some people are like that, but man, it can be a little (insanely)  intimidating. 

Needless to say, after the faculty meeting anxiety kicked in to high gear. I even had nightmares about all the possible things that could go wrong in my classroom during the observation.  We didn't know when she would start observations or which class she would start in.  Everyone was a little on edge, but she never came.  I think we all secretly hoped that maybe she forgot. (She is 86 after all!)  No such luck.   Today we got a schedule for her visitations.  They start tomorrow.   Guess who is up first.  Cue anxiety overload.

I was subbing this afternoon, so I ended up staying late preparing every last detail for tomorrow.  By the time I got home I had a full-blown migraine and a pretty severe case of miss cranky pants.  Still, I'm the mom, there is dinner and homework and stuff to be done.  In the midst of it all I remembered that I needed to e-mail my class a reminder about uniforms for tomorrow.  I logged into my account and found a quick e-mail that said this:

"By the way...  We absolutely love you and the great job you do with our children."

Just a quick note, it probably took the dad a minute to compose and send, but let me tell you....  It made my night! It really helped me to put things into perspective.   Now... I  still may get off schedule a little tomorrow.   I may not stick right to the script on my comprehension lesson.   I may not hand out papers the most time efficient way.  I may completely forget everything I have prepped for, BUT I know that I am loved and appreciated. I can only do what I can do. and guess what... it is enough. 

Life is like a box of chocolates.  You never know what you are gonna get.   Here's hoping that tomorrow is a yummy chocolate covered caramel instead of one of those gross orange cream filled chocolates! 
Cross you fingers... or as the Czechs say, hold your thumbs.